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I spent a large part of my life seeking love from my relationships. I grew up in a loving home; I have a successful career; I have a loving and supportive spouse and children – yet, it was not enough. I kept searching for that next thing that would give me happiness. In this quest, I accumulated pain, stress, anxiety, anger and grief. It was only when I turned inwards and started observing myself, I realized that the joke was on me because I was searching in the wrong place. My core is love. I am whole and complete, I needed to own myself.
Till we awaken to our truth, we persuade ourselves that love exists somewhere out there, waiting to be found in a person, an achievement, or a moment. Yet, the more we chase it, the more restless we get, as though every milestone only adds another goalpost in the distance. The truth, in all its beauty is straightforward: we are love. The moment we embrace the love within, we come home to ourselves, and life begins to open magically.
We acquire a perception from an early age that love is to be earned from everyone. Like, seeking approval from our parents through their smile, compliment, or nod is often our first step. As we grow, we seek the same from teachers, friends, coworkers, and partners. Consequently, love becomes conditional and ridden with burden rather than joy. Our sense of self-worth becomes dependent on each success and compliment, making us addicted and hostage to a world that is fleeting and fickle.
In quiet moments, have you ever noticed that what you truly crave is not another’s validation, but inner quietude and peace. What supports us then is the awareness to recognize and understand our feelings, deal with them in the present, and respond to them with compassion. When we develop inner clarity, we stop mistaking attention for affection. Instead, we start understanding the deeper needs of our hearts.You can explore mindfulness exercises for self-love to strengthen this awareness.
The turning point arrives when we pause long enough to look inward. Instead of asking, “Who will love me?” the question evolves to, “How can I love myself?” This is the essence of self-love: a profound, sincere understanding that our value is independent of other people's approval, not an act of conceit or self-indulgence. It is the calm, steady awareness that we are enough as we are.
Self-awareness is incredibly transformative. Just observe your thoughts, emotions, body, and then let go of each little by little. In that moment of nothingness, the gentle voice rises within you, which was always present, and reminds you that you are whole. When you sit in silence and focus on your breathing and observe without judgment, you reconnect with your essence, love. Observing yourself allows you to experience the presence and liberates you from the constant pull of comparison and the need for validation. Ultimately, this practice connects the wisdom of the heart.
Developing self-love is a daily choice rather than an overnight change. Here are some methods for nurturing it:
Trust yourself, even if others do not. In uncertain times, pay attention to your intuition; your inner compass often knows the way before your rational mind does.
Throughout your day. Taking time for yourself, whether it’s enjoying a morning stroll in nature, practicing a quick breathing exercise between meetings, or simply sitting quietly with a cup of tea, allows you to reconnect with your inner self.
Rather than viewing mistakes as failures, consider them as essential steps in your growth. Each setback carries a lesson designed to help guide you forward.
My experience as a spiritual teacher reveals that even the smallest and most consistent acts of self-compassion can profoundly transform a person's energy. Treating yourself with the same decency, tolerance, and compassion you readily offer to others, transforms your inner world into a space of harmony. This newfound harmony will begin to influence everything and everyone around you.
Relationships naturally change when we learn to love ourselves. We no longer ask people to "fill my emptiness". We let go of attaching strings of expectation, we connect from a place of fullness, ready to give. As a result of this shift, relationships become happier because they are built on respect for one another rather than dependence.
This change in leadership is both subtle and powerful. When leaders are emotionally intelligent and have a strong sense of self-worth, teams operate on trust rather than fear. These leaders create environments where people feel comfortable taking risks, sharing ideas, and growing. By setting an example, they demonstrate that authenticity is a strength, not a weakness. They also recognize that simplicity in connections, communication, and decision-making often creates much stronger bonds than complexity ever could.
The essence of life is quite simple. We all desire to love and be loved, regardless of our ambitions, social conditioning, and the quest for approval. However, for many of us, the process takes years or even decades as we work to obtain it, pursue it, or accept that we are worthy of love. Embracing my core as love has shifted my lens to seeing life as magical and beautiful. I am no longer limited by the pain and drama. The clutter has fallen away as the search has come to an end. There is no more restless of searching or striving. I see joy and purpose, and moreover, I understand that I am yet another instrument here to serve and awaken others to their light. There is a deep, unwavering realization that I Am love. This understanding brings clarity and tranquility to life that surpasses any material achievement.
Learn more about cultivating inner peace and self-love through my talks, writings, and guided meditations.
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