For much of my life, I thought about what was wrong with me because I was too sensitive and felt things deeply as a child. A comment could stay with me for days. A detail others forgot within minutes could occupy my mind for the rest of the evening. And relationships? Oh, they were an emotional Olympic sport.
Growing up, I learnt that being strong meant staying composed. So I learnt to control my emotions. I became more direct. More guarded. More “together.” I built an armour that served me well in the corporate world. Except there was one small problem. The more I controlled what I felt, the more agitated I became inside.
Turns out, emotions don't disappear just because you give them a stern talking-to. For a long time, I thought I needed to become less sensitive. It took me years to realise that I needed to become more self-aware.
I realised that sensitivity helped me notice things. The mood in a room. A hesitation behind words. A change in energy. The tension nobody was talking about.
Even the deeper meaning behind people’s words. My biggest strength, without awareness, had become an exhausting experience. I didn't just experience what was happening, I interpreted everything and then I made it personal.
They went quiet? They must be upset with me.
They disagreed? There must be a conflict.
An offhand comment? Clearly, it meant more than it should.
Phew! My mind was basically running a 24-hour interpretation service, where I was both the customer and the victim.
The turning point came when I reconnected with my inner voice. Instead of reacting immediately, I began asking myself:
Is this actually happening now? Or am I responding to a past emotion?
Is this my emotion? Or am I absorbing anyone else's emotions?
Am I responding to the moment? Or to the story I've created about it?
Self awareness changed the way I showed up as a leader. I realised, I didn't have to feel less or stop noticing. I had to become more aware of my feelings. I became more present in conversations because I wasn't spending half my energy managing what was happening inside me. I became better at navigating complexity because I could sense what was happening without immediately reacting to it. I became a better leadership coach because I learnt to listen beneath the words.
The funny thing is, the quality I had spent years trying to manage turned out to be one of my greatest strengths. Sensitivity became empathy. Overthinking became reflection. Intensity became passion. Perception became awareness.
We spend so much time teaching leaders what to do. How to communicate. How to influence.
How to motivate. How to make better decisions. What we miss out inquiring into is: Who is leading the leader?
Is it fear? The need to prove yourself? The need to be right? The need to be liked? An old pattern? Or are you actually choosing how you want to respond?
Self-awareness determines the quality of leadership.
The goal of leadership is to not to become harder, more confident or more invulnerable. It is to become aware enough to feel without being overwhelmed, to listen without absorbing, to notice without judging, to recognise a pattern without automatically repeating it.
So the next time anyone tells you, “You're too sensitive.”
Just smile to yourself, Maybe. Or perhaps I just haven't learnt how to use it yet.
The quality we spent years trying to hide as a weakness isn't what we need to get rid of. It's a strength waiting for awareness.
.jpg)
.jpg)
.jpg)
×